Abuse is a hard topic for me to write about. In our home growing up, I saw my dad being physically abusive to my brother. In return, my brother would take it out on me. The cycle would repeat and it was very hard on everyone in the home.
Especially for my mother.
After my mother stood up to my dad, the physical abuse stopped, but the verbal abuse continued. My brother wasn’t anything else but an idiot to my dad and I better not dare say anything to contradict my dad.
For as long as I can remember, my mom has always done everything for my dad. I truly mean everything. She had to stop what she was doing to attend to his every need. From an early age, I had vowed myself not to fall into a relationship like theirs.
So far I have kept my word to myself.
I am glad to say that we are all in a better place in our relationships. Things linger with people who have gone through abuse in any way. My dad still has issues of anger and my mom is the one that has to deal with it.
It is saddening for me to see my mother not standing up for herself. Even sadder when I found out that some of the women in my family that went through verbal abuse, also went through physical abuse.
Women in my family went through abuse throughout their marriage. They passed away having to live through all that pain. It makes me feel angry to know that a woman in my family is experiencing abuse in one form or another at this second.
It would be amazing if I could just talk to them and get them out of that relationship. Yet, it’s not that simple and I know it.
In this world, you can fill books upon books with reasons why they can’t leave that relationship. Life is more than just being married or the objects that were accumulated in a relationship.
I have realized that the abuse that they go through stops when they make a choice. They make a choice when they see a way out. Overall, they make a choice when they value their worth.
Not knowing your worth can take you to some of the darkest corners of life.
It took me many years to know my worth. It was a blessing to have had someone who has supported me through many of my trials. I still get comments from my dad that bring me down, but my reaction to those comments is different. I know my worth and I know what I allow to occupy my mind.
Ways to Help Someone in an Abusive Relationship
- Have an open ear. Sometimes it’s hard to listen to someone who is going through abuse. I know that when I hear from a family member or a friend, all I want to do is scream, “Get out!”. It, unfortunately, takes more than that for someone in an abusive relationship to leave. I know it can be hard on you, but it is harder for them to have someone who will listen to them.
- Make your home, arms, and ears a safe place. Someone who is going through any sort of abuse needs someone or somewhere to call safe. Having someone lend an ear can mean the world to them. It’s the least to say that everyone needs a place where they don’t have to face judgment.
- Let them know that you are there for them. Saying that you are there for them is one thing. Better yet, show that you are there for them. I know that it sounds complicated with everyone having a busy schedule, but I can assure you that there are simple things you can do. Call them back if you missed their call, message them, or give them reminders of how much they are loved. These are only some examples. You know their needs better than I do.
- Never give up on them. You might think that your words and effort go in through one ear and out the other. I can guarantee you that they are listening. It’s just hard for them to make a choice. They have a person telling them and showing them how worthless they are.
- Yes, it does get frustrating for you. You love them! You will get frustrated that they are still in that relationship. I can’t stress this enough, don’t give up on them. Help them realize their worth.
My abuse came from someone at a time when I couldn’t just walk out. But let me tell you, the moment that I could, I left. Overall, having someone to love me, support me, and never give up on me has helped me so much in life.
It is my job to know my worth, but it sure did help to know that I had someone in my corner. I am beyond grateful for the wonderful people that have been by my side through my hardest moments.
I’ve gone through depression, suicidal thoughts, and major self-hate. Due to the love I was shown, I am here today. Heavenly Father has always put an angel in my path.
Know that an abused person won’t leave a relationship just because you want them to. They have to come up with that realization on their own. I have so much more that I want to share with you on this topic.
Stay tuned for a lot more. In the meantime, share, comment, and subscribe to stay updated on my next post.
