Well, here comes a taboo talk on depression. For as long as I can remember, I have dealt with depression. The thing was that since it started when I was very young, I didn’t know I was dealing with depression.

Being raised in a Hispanic home, my parents were never aware of signs of depression. It was never a topic that came to mind. As I have written in Growing Up With A Bully, I was bullied at very young age. I never knew how to share that pain with my parents.

I would always keep it to myself and my pain grew to be my inner voice. My life was worthless in so many levels. I would pray for my life to end and I would always hurt myself physically and mentally.

Fast forwarding to now. Now I understand the importance of me being here and that I have found my worth & purpose in life.

I thank our Father in Heaven that He has blessed me with safety. That I never did anything to end my life, not even when I was completely DONE with life.

Unfortunately many people fall into this depression and go thru with ending their life. People that knew me, never knew of this pain. They saw a person that was quiet and rebellious at times. But never someone that wanted to die.

Even now, I am in tears because the only person I ever told was my husband. And yes, even into my marriage with my husband, I had these feelings.

Having faith in God has gotten me through many things, but what happens when a vessel (body) is missing a piece?  How about when you fall into depression from stress or having health issues?

At some time in my life, I was on antidepressants and I felt such a great relief mentally and physically. What many people don’t understand is that depression can cause many physical pains that are really not there.

I once confided in a person on how much antidepressants were helping me. All that person could say, “Depression is a made up thing. All people need to do is pray and have believe in God. People think they have depression and just get on pills.” That was unexpected and I was definitely not ready for that.

After that, I was embarrassed about taking antidepressants. I felt disappointed in myself that I couldn’t handle my life without having to use pills. Because of that feeling, I quit taking my pills without talking to my doctor. I was very blessed that I didn’t have a severe fallback.

I wasn’t all better, but I was ashamed to even try talking about depression. I’m here to tell you, prayer and faith can take you a long way. I can’t say it better than  Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said in the October 2013 LDS General Conference, “Like A Broken Vessel”.

He described mental and emotional challenges as some of us going through life with a broken vessel.

“Know that one day the dawn will break brightly and all shadows of mortality will flee.

Though we may feel we are “like a broken vessel,” as the Psalmist says,¹⁰ we must remember, that vessel is in the hands of the divine potter.

Broken minds can be healed just the way broken bones and broken hearts are healed.

While God is at work making those repairs, the rest of us can help by being merciful, nonjudgmental, and kind.”“No, this dark night of the mind and spirit is more than mere discouragement. I’ve seen it come to an absolutely angelic man when his beloved spouse of 50 years passed away.

I have seen it in new mothers with what is euphemistically labeled “after-baby blues.”

I have seen it strike anxious students, military veterans, and grandmothers worried about the well-being of their grown children.

 And I have seen it in young fathers trying to provide for their families. In that regard I once terrifyingly saw it in myself.” -Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Elder Holland explains that if you had appendicitis, you would seek a blessing and God would expect you to see a doctor. The same with mental and emotional disorders. Prayer and faith helps, but God expects us to seek the help of a professional. As God heels our soul, doctors heel our vessel. I know I need the help and I am very blessed to be here today. That I am able to share with you my struggles through depression. 

Together as a community, we can make a difference.

• Talk to your children
• make a friend with that person that keeps to themselves
• be mindful of those that have suffered a loss
• and be mindful of the ones that seem to have it all together.
• Compassion and understanding can go a long way for someone who is silently going through this on their own.

Furthermore, many lives can be saved. Help me by sharing this message. Remember to subscribe to my blog. I would love for you to be part of my community.

Much Love, Peace & Joy