As of May 2015, my husband and I have been together for 11 years. As any loving mother, I have always put my kids first. I would always make sure that my husband was well aware that my children came before him because he could always be replaced, but my children couldn’t. It was cruel, but nothing and no one came before my kids. After going through a separation and being left to raise my oldest daughter without her biological father, I had no other reasoning. My husband took the responsibility to help me raise my daughter, but all I could see is that I could do it on my own if I had to and of course…. I could raise my 5 children on my own.
About a year ago, I heard a talk on the importance on putting your spouse first. (Of course, I want to emphasize that this goes for that loving significant other and not one that is abusive in any way or form.)
“Parenthood is a shared responsibility of a united husband and wife. Nowhere is this more true than in your responsibility to teach your children about intimacy. Together you should ask for and receive inspiration for the family, form family rules, supervise children’s work, create learning opportunities for each child, and correct your children. When you and your spouse agree with each other as much as possible, showing mutual respect, family government is more consistent and stable. Unity between husband and wife is the foundation for the unity of feeling the Lord said characterized his people” (see D&C 38:27).
So why should I put my husband before the offspring that I nurtured in my womb and went through severe pain to bring into this world?
Respecting my husband enough to put him first might be considered as something coming from an irresponsible mother. But the day I began to give him that respect is the day I taught my children how to respect their father. The day I began to thank him for all the things that he does for us (even for things that we overlook because it’s done on a regular basis) that was the day my girls saw all of the hard work that he does for us.
The day that I gave my husband that respect, my husband returned that same respect and act of gratitude towards the thing I did for him and for our children. The day my husband gave me that respect, we taught our girls how they should be treated. Because I was able to put the needs of my husband first, he is able to concentrate more on being a better father and together we can care for our girls. Doing and giving our children the best was no longer weighing on his or my shoulders alone. We are now baring that weight together to make it easier to carry.
Many times we’ve heard that marriage is 50/50. You have to give some to get some. What if we made marriage 100/100? When I put my husband first I created that 100/100. There was no more meeting in the middle. I give my husband 100% of my best and he gives me his 100%. By creating this practice (and I say practice because this doesn’t happen overnight) we are able to create a better team to raise children that are respectful and that will be directed to those that respect them.
It’s time that we, as parents, work as a team with our significant other to create a marriage of unity. We should take our spouse to the top of our list, so that together, we can take our children to the top of the world.
I do enjoy a well written artical, and when personal feelings are professed in it, this is even better. I know when Cecil and I are with others more often then not were the odd couple. But I do work to respect him and also to get him to show respect for himself. I don’t let him verbally down talk himself without saying something to make him stop. Self-negativity is a bad thing.